Getting Into The Groove

I came across this meme by Kate On Thin Ice via Mish Mash Mum.

“Have you ever felt like “you” got lost in the midst of juggling motherhood and other responsibilities? When was the last time you did something just for yourself? When was the last time you took time out for a hobby or interest that is yours alone? When was the last time you indulged in a guilty pleasure? When was the last time you tried something new? Yes, you are a Mum but surely you are more than that but where has that person disappeared to?”

I deliberated whether or not to take part over the week, because it's not all totally true for me. I do find time to do things for myself. I do my crafts and think about writing (even though I rarely get pen to paper). I finally decided to do it because while it might not 100% describe me, there is definitely a lack of groove going on over here, and there is definitely a desire to find one.

I'm not sure where 'me' got lost. Perhaps I've never really found her. I (by my own choice) had my children young, so I have spent my entire adult life as a Mum. I'm glad of that and I certainly wouldn't wish it any other way (what on earth to people without children do with their time?), but there wasn't really any 'me' before that for me to regain, if that makes any sense at all. So perhaps this will be my journey to finding that.

I have always had this idea, which I think a lot of women do, of being some sort of super-wife and super-mum. I fall so far short of that mark it's laughable. Most of the time I am over-tired, frazzled and irritated at myself for being so. My house is messy, I have a continually huge stack of laundry to do, and I am late, without fail, for everything.

So this is what I want to do:

1. Be more sociable. I am not a sociable person. I am shy, and I avoid meeting new people. I will chat, if awkwardly, to somebody if they start talking to me, but I can't strike up a conversation. I have very few friends and I see them rarely, and sometimes I feel lonely and wish I had some more people close to me that I could have a natter with now and then. I need to stop putting it off and start going to some baby and toddler groups to make parent friends.
2. Achieve more. I get down because I don't get done the things I want to. I have the best intentions but I just don't get around to doing things, and then I feel really disheartened. I need to start writing a (realistic!) list of the things I want to do in the day and tick them off. I'm one of those people who's a real sucker for ticking things off. I love looking back and seeing all the things I've done, and that in turn motivates me to get more done.
3. Get back to study. I was studying towards a degree but ended up giving up on it when I was suffering with depression. I'm much better now and would love to get back to studying so that I can eventually become a teacher.
4. Read and write. Once upon a time I used to read every day. Once upon a time I used to write. I wrote a novel. It is full of plot holes and doesn't make sense because I wrote it in one month for NaNoWriMo and I still haven't edited it, but I do love it. I love being a writer. I want to stop thinking about writing and actually do it. So I need to edit this novel and get it in a presentable state to be read. And then I need to write another one.

I had better get going with it all, hadn't I?